If You Love Her…Put Her in Her Place!


Numero DosWhile I’m not a fan of all the hoopla surrounding the “Love Holiday”…Valentine’s Day, it is a great opportunity for us guys to give some special thought to ways we can express our undying devotion to our chosen bride. Some guys will be inclined to spend a few bucks on a box of chocolate and some perishable flowers, and a card written by a professional writer. A few guys will show off (excuse my jealousy) by spending some big bucks for a piece of jewelry, or maybe a Lexus or a cruise to an exotic island in the South Pacific.

And the ladies will “Oooo” and “Ahhh,” and fling their arms around our neck in giddy gratitude.

It would be rare indeed to meet a woman who does not enjoy things that glitter and sparkle, and things that make her feel like the beautiful princess she is. She is refreshed in her spirit by the heartfelt message proclaimed by our beautifully wrapped gifts, “You are my treasure. I cherish you.” It makes her feel adored, and a woman likes to feel adored, because that’s what she is designed to be…adored.

Yet hidden away in the heart of every woman is a longing for something more…something more enduring than things that glitter and gleam. She longs for something that will withstand the trials of day-to-day life, and pass the test of time. At the core of her being, she needs to know her husband is equipped to lead with strong hands and a devoted heart. She wants to know that his vision for her—and their family—is greater than his own perspective. She wants to know she is safe in his arms, and safe in his heart.

Men, there’s only one way we can accomplish such a grand expectation: Make her Number Two (or in my case Numero Dos) in your life!

In Holy Libido, I mention a revelation Rose made to me during our whirlwind dating experience. She told me about my “place” in her life. Here’s the excerpt: “Before we were married, in the spirit of full disclosure she (Rose) told me I would have to accept second place in her life because the first place was already taken. Her ‘first husband’ is her Papa God.”

I was a little perplexed at first, and then it occurred to me, “How awesome to be second in line to the Creator of the universe—at least in Rose’s world!” Who would be silly enough to want to step in line in front of God in our mate’s life!

Rose’s simple yet direct remark started the wheels in my head spinning. In order to love her the way God intends for me to love her, I must also put her in second place in my life. My first devotion must be to my heavenly Father. I need to surrender my self-centered perspective in exchange for his perspective. I must learn how to lay my life down for my wife. While this sounds cavalier, quite honestly “laying my life down” often requires little more than seeing things through her eyes rather than through my own eyes.

God instructs me to love my wife as his Son Jesus loved the church. Reasonable men will admit that this love requires something far beyond our own capabilities. Guys, when God is truly in first place in our life, and we are allowing his amazing love to purge us and fill us and empower us, our wife will be the recipient of the unadulterated love of God…flowing from him, through us, straight to her precious heart.

So go for it! Buy her a gift. And write something special in the card…something romantic like, “You thrill my heart—will you please be my Number Two?” It’s the highest honor you can possibly present to her this Valentine’s Day—second in line to her PapaGod—ahead of every other “distraction” in your life…sports, your job, and even your ministry work.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…” ~ Ephesians 5.25

So if you love her–and I know you do–put her in her place…

…her place of sacred honor!

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